Affirmation Pie

Thanks to Kim for putting this in front of my eyes.

When I was a kid, I could do anything, and anything I did was the best. It didn't mean that what others did was not the best, too; I could share that glory with others without losing any value. My parents were the best, I made the best snickerdoodles, my brother drew the best boats, I made the best forts, the woods in the back of my house were the best... and if you had been my friend back then, you and everything you did were the best, too.

Now I compare. I often hear myself speaking a different type of affirmation: I'm not as good at (insert drawing, photography, practically anything in life) as (insert friend/associate/practically any stranger on the street). Was life really that harsh on me from the time of my childhood "I'm the best and so are you" confidence to my grown-uppish "Man, I wish I was that cool"  attitude? Or is it that along the timeline of my existence I began mimicking how others acted, picking up on the cultural norm that often confuses self-confidence with owning a little too large of an ego?

Sure, keep eating the humble pie. It's good for you. But stop after one slice.

Dandelion Dreams

My eight and ten year old cousins' enthusiasm to show their older compadre (aka- me) their secret hideout in the Maine woods was practically bursting out of the seams of their grass-stained clothes. They raced forward on the dirt road, telling me to pick up a stick for protection from the... actually, I never clearly understood what. I played along. I know we started out with a definite destination, but being young and very excited that they had a new (and willing) audience, they were easily distracted and pointed out every little thing along the way. The spooky chair sitting off to the side; the blueberries that were coming out early; the tire scrap in the stream; the dandelion puffs that you could make a wish on.

My eight year old cousin picked one for me while the ten year old blew furiously on hers. I hadn't wished on dandelion puffs in a while so the rules eluded me. I received the pillowy seed stalk as though it really held the magic promised me by my two guides. I thought carefully, inhaled as deeply as I could, quickly stated my wish (no, not out loud- I didn't forget that rule!) and let a gale of direct-hurricane-force wind assault my wish-maker.

They didn't all come off.

I really wanted my wish.

I noticed my cousin's dandelion stems were free and clear of any seeds. Surely my lung capacity was greater! Timidly, I asked the oldest of the two, "Do all the seeds have to come off in one blow?"

She answered immediately without looking up. "No. Try more."

I did. I just couldn't get the ones on the bottom off no matter how hard I tried. And I must have lost some of my cool with these two little munchkins because I really tried. (It doesn't look that cool to really try to blow seeds off a dandelion.)

Feeling even more sheepish and actually pretty childish compared to these experts, I ventured another question on completing the task. "What if I tried, but there are some that just won't come off?"

My cousin stopped dead in her tracks, looked me square in the eyes and said "Then pull them off with your fingers."

Wishing is passive. Making dreams real is an exercise. Forget the rules and get it done.

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Nike is Onto Something

Entrepreneurs. I looked at them like movie stars- living the dream and untouchable- especially if they were my age and had a success under their belt. I've always dreamed big and from the time I was a little girl, I cooked up some pretty concrete ideas of how I would earn my life in a beach house, as a world traveler, as a pony owner - depending on which stage of life I was in. These ideas all involved businesses that allowed me to work for myself. I'd dwell on the idea for a couple of weeks, get it all planned out and then come to the part where I had to do something about it. That's where I failed.

Let me take that back a bit. That's where I failed as an adult and until recently.  When I was a kid, my ideas didn't require much money to start up (except that one where I had a legion of 1,000 adoring employees who made me cotton candy and flew my friends and I to all the finest amusement parks.). I'd create something and then recruit salespeople or organization members and have at it. No, none of these businesses landed me multi-million dollar success (obviously) or even much cotton candy (still sad about that). But I did it. And it was fun.

Somewhere along the way, I lost the part where I "just did it". I started thinking there were rules to this kind of thing: you had to be somebody or know people or have this-much-more-money-than-I-have to start a business. I had lots of business ideas that I worked out to the finest details and then put away, frustrated. I glorified young business owners but believed that they had some secret formula and knowledge that I'd never have. I started thinking of working for the government.

Yeah, dream crushing, eh?

One day I got tired of it. I knew one thing I'd always been praised for and I just started telling people I'd do it for them. People accepted. They told others. Others accepted. Everyone rejoiced. No secret formula, no cash flow genie. 

One evening, at a party full of people I didn't know, I realized the roles had been reversed. The typical question was asked: What do you do for work? When I answered that I owned an organic bakery, the movie star stare came.  Others in the vicinity drew close. I found myself surrounded by a small band of starers praising my ability to start my own business and whispering to each other how they wished they could do something like that. Feeling uncomfortable by the attention and slightly creeped out by the care-bear stare, I told them simply, "Then just do it. That's what I did."

The fan club quietly dispersed, shaking their heads.  They didn't believe it was that simple.  They wanted a secret formula, just like I had.

The moral of this story can best be summed up by an excerpt from a book written by a couple of guys I had the opportunity to listen to at a summit a few weeks ago: 

Start the process of tinkering... start a new web site, a new marketing campaign, or a new Web community.  Why? The answer, you will quickly come to realize, is that, with everything you decide to do, "it's so crazy that it just might work." Understand that failure is an inevitable part of the game, but that the chance of success is much greater the more often you roll the dice.  You shouldn't fear it; you should embrace it.

 -Chris Brogan, Julien Smith in Trust Agents 

Throw away the notion of a secret formula. You just gotta do it.

Mental Toughness: 6 Steps for Succeeding When Times are Rough

Ever see a Bobo doll?


You take a swing at it and it bounces back at you. Swing at it again and it bounces right back. However many times you knock a Bobo doll down, it won't stay there. It will always rise back up.


To succeed, your actions must mirror the Bobo doll. When your dreams are challenged, when people put down your business idea, when you get 15 nos to your sponsorship requests, the key to being able to tell the tale of success is to persevere. And in order to persevere, you must train your mind to keep a tough mental outlook. 


Here are six key steps to develop that mental outlook and maintain confidence and resiliency:

1. Smile. Your ability to stay positive is the basis for all other steps. It will spur you on when the world seems against you. Positivity can be achieved by keeping uplifting people around you and avoiding those who are negative in their own life.


Attitudes are contagious. Choose to surround yourself with the one that will keep you productive. 

2. Look at life as a game.  Do you label every event in life as "good" or "bad?" Most of us do. From a getting a flat tire to a sale that didn't pan out, we tend to measure our success from the results of our daily activities, even if we had little to do with them. 


Instead, look at life as a game. If you won every tournament you entered because those competing against you were far less skilled, would you label this a true success? The same goes for life. Challenge creates interest and makes us stronger. If you fail at your task, evaluate the circumstance so you can become a better player next time. Viewing life as a game will keep you unfazed by the outcome of daily activities and keep you focused on the end goal.

3. Live your dream- now. Once cemented, an idea is hard to shake. Visualize what success looks like for you. How does it feel, how does it change your surroundings, how does it improve your relationships? What changes do you feel about yourself? Let these emotions spur you into a new pattern of thinking- one of living as though you have that success already. 


When you do this, priorities fall into place and goals become concrete. Your mind, free from the worry of whether it can can obtain success, becomes more productive because you have already achieved that success. Resolving that you are able to live out your dream will create a mind that can not be shaken by the lesser trials of life and will keep you motivated when you face criticism or rejection.

4. Keep things bite-sized. When you bite off more than you can chew, you choke. The simple solution? Only take on that which you can handle easily. Set daily goals that you can achieve- no matter how small- so you feel a sense of accomplishment every day. 


Add a power move to this tip: write your daily goals down. Include things as minute as calling a friend, and filling up the car. As you go, cross completed items off the list. The very act of checking things off  is a powerful reinforcement that you can achieve what you set out to do. 

5. Stand by your beliefs. Know why you are doing what you are doing, its importance, understand the value it has for yourself, your family and others, and then believe in those reasons.  Whether those reasons are personal or for the greater good (or even better, both!), a strong belief system results in confidence that bolsters your ability to persevere. Naysayers won't be able to keep you down because you have worthwhile purpose and you will have something to fall back on when the going gets tough. 


If you are at a loss as to what your belief system is, find some time to discuss the topic with those you admire and respect. Ask them what truths or values keep them going when they pass through rough patches and then adopt those ideas as your own. Once you have a set of beliefs in place, repeat them to yourself purposefully. This will reinforce what is important to you and keep you grounded when the world is spinning around you.

6. Give your self-esteem a pick-me-up. Partnering closely with a having a belief system in place is maintaining a strong belief in self. This is separate from the reasons why you believe in your venture. This is believing that you have the ability to carry your idea forward and be successful. Keeping your self-confidence strong carries you through the times when even friends and family seem to focus on downfalls.

To boost your confidence try these activities:

• Exercise and enjoy good nutrition: Feeling good about yourself inside and out passes on to all aspects of life. Take time each day to participate in fitness activities and eat healthy. If you find yourself short on time, take a brisk walk and do not skimp on nutrition. Healthy whole-nutrition shakes can shave time while helping you keep your energy levels up and your mind clear.
• Put up little reminders of success: keeping momentos or "trophies" in plain view where you will pass them daily is a great way to remind yourself of past successes and help you retain confidence in yourself. Knowing you completed a task in the past reinforces the fact that you can do it again.
• Get involved with something bigger than yourself: any time you get down, you are reflecting inwardly. Get out there and give your time and talents to others who need an extra hand. You'll find that not only will your spirits soar, but your confidence will skyrocket as well.
• Try your hand at public speaking: one of the biggest fears we have as humans is fear of failure in front of others. Public speaking is one of the largest venues in which we fear we will fail, so we tend to avoid it at all costs. However, move past this fear and you'll achieve a level of confidence that may very well surprise you. Bonus: you'll be better at communicating the ideas and needs of your venture.

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Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~Charles Richards

The Dalai Lama's 18 Rules

From onelittleangel.com

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:

1. Respect for self

2. Respect for others

3. Responsibility for all your actions

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.